Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
