I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
