HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
