so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
