Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
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