I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
