You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
