I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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