he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
