Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
