I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
