i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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