S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
