One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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