Your dad touched me again.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
where does the pee come out of this thing
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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