so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
