this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
