Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
