my mouth tastes like poor choices
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
