Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
actually, I'm a sock model
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
