So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize