He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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