I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
