I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
