Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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