Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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