I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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