Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
