Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
