you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
