i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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