At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
