I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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