if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
false alarm, still single
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
