Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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