I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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