There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
