it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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