who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
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