i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
