He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
