i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
