Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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