Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
