There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
