jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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