i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
