Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
50% drunk capacity currently
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
