why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
