I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
