WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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