His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
