I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
