I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
