i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
