just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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