I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
