What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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