You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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