She is in my trunk
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
