I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
