lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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