He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
