i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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