My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
