When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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