Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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