Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
