just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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