Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
