go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
