worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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