Having a random hookup so left but love u
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
