Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
