I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
